As many of you know, I lost my father several years ago. I was working on an event in Las Vegas and I received a message at 2:00 am from an emergency room doctor at Northridge Hospital. I called the doctor back and he advised me that my father had suffered from an aortic aneurism and that he would be in emergency surgery for several hours; he told me to remain calm, but that I needed to get on the first flight back to Los Angeles. With glitter make-up smeared across my face from the tears, I sat on the floor of the Las Vegas International Airport and I cried at the thought that my father was experiencing something so far within my grasp of reality. I questioned how I would take care of him on my own and what he would do now that he couldn’t work. I went to the gift shop and I picked out a get well soon card and I signed it at the airport. I have no idea what I wrote, but I remember buying it and never having the chance to give it to him. My father never woke up from surgery and he died the next day at 12:30 in the afternoon.I gently held my father’s hand as he was hooked up to machines, I kissed him on the forehead and I told him that I would be okay if he left. It was the first time that I ever saw my father through God’s eyes. In that moment, my father was perfect - despite all of his imperfections.
The thing about fathers is that they’re always there to listen. My dad knew everything about me, but in actuality I found out that I knew very little about him. Of course, I knew that he was a pilot, I knew who he flew for, I knew that he liked fish and chips and that his favorite place to travel was the Cayman Islands. But, what I didn’t know was that my father touched so many lives. He had at least 200 people at his funeral and had a number of people to speak on his behalf about how he had influenced their lives. He was such a selfless man; he was funny, he was kind, and he was extraordinarily accomplished in his career. The two greatest loves of my father’s life was me and his love for flying. Together, my father and I traveled many places across the world. The last trip that we took was to Paris, France and he brought me up to the cockpit, so that I could see the sunrise as we approached the U.S. I’ve never seen anything so tranquil or beautiful as were the morning clouds, illuminated from the rising sun at 35,000 feet in the air. As I experienced that early morning sky through my father’s eyes, I realized why my father loved to fly so much; flying was so peaceful when you got above the clouds and you put the plane on auto pilot. He didn’t have to worry about a thing. Wouldn’t life be so serene for all of us if we could just put our lives on auto pilot, trust the direction that we were heading towards and not have to worry about a thing?
It’s been nearly seven years since my father’s death and in the past few months I have missed him more than ever. My father had this way of making everything okay. If the computer was broken – he would fix it. If my car was broken he would take it to get repaired and if my heart was broken – he would tell me that I just hadn’t met anyone worthy of my love yet.
This year has been the most difficult and most painful year of my life since my father’s death. I have overcome obstacles that I never could have imagined facing, but clearly God knew I was strong enough to take them on. I’ve cried to my father at night and I’ve asked him to fix my broken heart. Today, my father isn’t here to tell me that it will be okay or that I haven’t found a man worthy of my love. Today my father lives in my heart and he has instilled in me that I can put my life on auto pilot, watch the sun illuminate my life, and trust that everything will be alright!
May you enjoy your father this weekend as much as I enjoyed my father for 28 amazing years of my life! Happy Father’s Day!
